I've never been a glass half-full kind of guy. But I try not to be a glass half-empty type either. I'm definitely not into positive thinking, and I try my best not to engage in negative thinking. What I strive to do is to see the world, and my place in it, exactly as it is, no more no less. I'm not claiming that I always succeed, or even mostly succeed. Seeing the world as it is isn't easy. In fact I've found it to be damn hard, since what you may be seeing may not be pleasant. But to me, viewing the world through a lens of positivity is just as wrong as negativity. Positive thinking is just as much a form of self-delusion as negative thinking.
My first encounter with the power of positive thinking was way back in college. I didn't agree with it then, and still don't. The guy who expounded on it in class supported his belief in it by describing an incident that had been in the local news of parents who had gambled on an untested and expensive cure for their child that had succeeded in saving the child's life. To him, the lesson was that if the parents hadn't engaged in positive thinking, the child might have died. I disagreed.
From the beginning of time, and well before positive thinking, people have been defying the odds as they see them and taking actions that they believe have no chance of success. It's called hope, an ancient concept. To me hope is a much more valid approach to living. It implies an objective evaluation of reality and perhaps a decision to pursue a course of action that is probably doomed to failure, or perhaps not. Perhaps the parents of that child didn't engage in positive thinking. Perhaps they did what parents have done from the first time there were parents: acknowledge the futility of their actions, but go on anyway, and hope for the best.
This is my approach to recovery from my stroke. Realistically, I don't think I will achieve complete recovery. In fact, I'm pretty sure I won't. I don't know with absolute certainty that I won't, though. In fact, I hope I will.
Thank you for this post. I think that the difference between positive thinking and hope is a very important one, yet the two are often confused. I'm willing to bet that many who read my comments assume that I have no hope. I do have hope or I wouldn't spend 8 hours a day rehabbing. But I'm not terribly positive about any of it. The odds against my having a full recovery are very long, and life without a full recovery is likely to remain intolerable for me. This is called being realistic. If others choose to see it as negative and castigate me for a poor attitude so be it.
ReplyDeleteHaving a positive, upbeat attitude is overrated in our society, in my opinion, as long as you have the strength to see reality as it is, and keep going regardless, like you do. I felt like a hypocrite writing that post because when I look at my condition, it isn't bad at all compared to many other stroke survivors, so it's easy for me to be objective and forego a positive attitude. Would I have the courage of my beliefs if I were more significantly disabled? I think so, but I guess I'll only find out for sure when it happens.
ReplyDeleteSomehow "realistic" has been thrown into the negative bin, when it ought to be neutral - actually seeing that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. I think it was the "positive thinking" pressure that rejected everything EXCEPT being totally convinced something we want to have happen will. Previously, this was identified as "magical thinking," but "positive" has a much better connotation. I think you're correct that hope is what gets us through even while embracing reality.
ReplyDeleteExactly, Barb. In my work we stress evidence-based practices, seeing the world as objectively as possible and developing improvement strategies based on what has worked and what might work given our best scientific, researched strategies. Then working like hell to get there, while evaluating how we are doing along the way. Not imagining where we want to be and believing like hell that what we want to do will get us there. Two different approaches to perceiving the world.
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