I think about, and write about, spasticity a lot because it's the primary deficit remaining from my stroke. If not for it, I would honestly say that I am 100% recovered, both physically and mentally. But because of it, I would say that my entire left side is only 50% as effective as it was pre-stroke. So, 50% effectiveness over 50% of my body means that I am 25% physically impaired. Then, taking into account that I am 100% mentally recovered, I think of myself as having 12.5% total impairment. To give a little room for cold, rainy days when the spasticity gains strength, I'll call it 15% impairment. So, according to my personal recovery equation, I'm at 85% recovery. Which is pretty darn good compared to other stroke survivors who I read about. I'll take it and not complain, and count myself lucky that I dodged so many stroke bullets that hit so many others.
I read any article about spasticity that I come across, and from what I gather, my condition is different from most others. In fact, I'm not sure it's spasticity at all, but I don't know what else to call it. In my case, it isn't that flexor muscles over-power extensor muscles. My spasticity is equal opportunity, attacking all muscles on my left side, flexors and extensors, big and small, weak and strong, from neck and shoulder to wrist and fingers to ankle and toes. The result is that all the joints on my left side are in an equilibrium of difficult movement.
I have the same range of motion on my left side as on my right, it just takes a lot more effort. I can open my left hand as easily as I can clench it. Actually, it would be more accurate to say I can open my left hand with the same degree of effort that is required to close it. Same with extending my arm and bending it, extending my leg and bending it, raising my arm and lowering it, pointing my toes and clenching them, and so on.
My spasticity feels as though it's active, rather than passive. Reactive describes it better. It becomes stronger when I use the muscles in any way on my left side, as if the spasticity struggles to prevent movement and return my limbs to a state of immobile equilibrium. Exercise does not loosen up the muscles, instead, it makes the spasticity stronger, as if it becomes angry that I dare to challenge its rule. Its power has gradually gotten worse over time, and the more I fight it, the more it fights back. I'm constantly tempted to give in to it and stay still and sit or lie down, but for now I keep up the struggle. I encourage myself by thinking that since my brain seems to have regained complete control over my affected side, it's just a matter of time before the muscles realize it and stop waging this war of spastic self defense. I'm afraid that's just a fantasy, though, and the fight will go on until I run out of energy to keep up the effort.
